Politics vs reality.
There are days when I spend longer than necessary looking at the figures.
The recurring question: was that a good, a bad or an average day? The definition of a good day has changed over the last five or six years. The bar has been lowered. Quietly.
99 guests in one evening would have been cause for alarm in 2019. In 2026, that's the average. Let's start with this figure. An honest introduction to everything else.
The uuuhmami in the first quarter of 2026
6,933 guests in three months. An average of 99 per evening. Our benchmark is 140 to 180, depending on the day of the week.
Four out of ten guests who made a reservation came more than once. A shout-out to our loyal regulars.
Per-capita turnover is stable compared to 2025. Footfall is declining. Down 18 per cent compared to Q1 2025.
That's the revenue side. And the expenditure?
A model business makes it tangible
To put the scale of the structural burden into perspective, it helps to look at a fictional model business. Let's take a café concept of average size: 50 seats, 70 per cent occupancy. Total costs in 2015 were 900,000 euros. In 2025, they will be 1.3 million.
An increase of 48 per cent in ten years. But why?
Staff costs up 51 per cent. Energy costs up 67 per cent. Cost of goods sold up 47 per cent. Rent up 39 per cent. Shall I go on?
It's hard to grasp when it's this abstract. So, what does this actually mean for you as a guest or for the café's operators:
A dish that was on the menu in 2015 for ten euros gross generated a margin of 1.26 euros. That's the company's pre-tax profit. OneEuroTwentySix, pop open the champagne and let's celebrate.
In 2025, the same dish would incur a loss of 2.17 euros if the price remained unchanged. Should we start thinking about a price increase by then at the latest? The controller says: "Absolutely, immediately, preferably yesterday." The far-sighted entrepreneur asks: "Our guests are facing similar cost increases. How are they supposed to afford that?"
There we are.
Hang in there, it gets even better. Because now comes: the gift.
The gift
You're invited to a birthday party but don't have the cash to buy a present. You need a solution, because your reputation mustn't be ruined under any circumstances. You're a go-getter, an alpha, and always have an answer for everything.
So you ring a friend: "Transfer me 100 euros so I can buy the birthday boy a present. It's important, I want to do something nice for him and make a really good impression."
You buy the gift with money that isn't yours. You present it without mentioning who actually stepped in for you. Your reputation is saved. You've just got what it takes.
Welcome to the relief bonus.
Up to 1,000 euros per employee, tax- and duty-free, paid out by the employer.
For a medium-sized company with, say, 100 employees and a 10 per cent return on turnover, this means: the business needs an extra million euros in turnover to finance this 100,000 euros as a bonus for the team from current earnings.
In an environment where consumer behaviour is characterised by maximum uncertainty and caution, and where costs are skyrocketing everywhere.
The government is handing out the gift. Others are expected to foot the bill. It definitely takes special skills to come up with something like this.
A side note: why not a monthly salary, with a maximum cap, gross and net? No tax deductions. Citizens have more money in their accounts and spend it. Companies aren't burdened further, survive and might even invest. The government are the Avengers superheroes.
Perhaps I'm being too naive.
It's better to sit down for interviews and demand that the VAT adjustment be passed on. Before this turns into a book, it's better suited to another post.
The optimistic twist
On some of the days when I spend longer than necessary looking at the figures, I see the regulars coming in for the third time in four weeks. I hear the team in the kitchen, on the floor and at the bar. I see the light above the tables and at the pass. And I'm content.
There's a reason we do this. The people at uuuhmami. At the tables and in the team.
Ellis